Hey, guess who's going to Miami next week!

Guess who's going there to fix servers that the staff of the Florida unit are too twitchy to fix!

Guess who really hates sunshine!

Guess which state is "the Sunshine State!"

Guess who's really not looking forward to being surrounded by spring break-ing college kids!

Guess who would rather have spent the free evenings in his studio actually writing some fcuking music for a change!

Can you guess who it is?

Huh?

"Ouch I'm dead by a cloud of arrows. Thank the gods none of them hit anyone's face or crotch."

More examples of poor filmmaking that killed the movie for me:

"I've found the villagers!"

"Where? Oh. I see. They are all pinned to that gigantic tree about 40 feet away on a low rise in the middle of a featureless landscape."

"Yeah . . . We really ought to start turning our heads to the left more often."

Wow. 300 was not a good movie.

• The fight scenes lost their edge once we understood the formula of slo-mo, hit guy with shield, turn, slash, repeat.
• The music was utterly forgetable apart from the part where the electric guitar kicked in, and I remember that because when I heard it I tought "what the hell was that? An electric guitar?"
• The tacked on plot of the war at home consisted of cookie cutter characters and a story that was a foregone conclusion as soon as it started.
• I didn't care about who lived and who died.
• The battlefield changed size and shape to support the Spartan tactics (how accomidating.)
• Acting was SO EPIC that every word dripped with melodrama.
• Unnecessary narration interrupted scenes just as they started to move.
• Scenes were lifted from similar movies several times.
• The political message was unavoidable.
• Where were Xerxes ninja? He had everything else in his army, so why no ninja?
• Removing the slo-mo would have left a film barely feature length.
• Slo-mo is not exciting. At all. It kills momentum in a fight scene so that actually dramatic events (Boromir takes an arrow) are lost. What are you going to do? Slow it down more?

I may have enjoyed the movie if I saw it in a vacuum. Unhampered by politics, current events, race relations, my understanding of ancient warfare, and knowledge of actual historical events.

Oh, and I'm so glad they slipped in that shot at homos too.