I had an absolutely bizarre dream last night and I'm hoping I can get some musical inspiration out of it, if nothing else. Since this is the internet, self indulgence is all too common and you can read about it if you like:

I met a terrific composer and pianist and we became fast friends, chatting about what we write and how we write it and so on. He was Korean, but had a Japanese name. He and his brother had recorded and released 2 CDs of progressive piano duets and were branching into other musical styles. His boyfriend was also his studio engineer and he and I had great fun in the recording sessions and edits, tweaking the pianos into clouds of sound. His mother had raised her sons in poverty and their success had allowed them to bring her to the states and they had just bought her a new house.

Then he was dead. It was my duty to break the news to everyone. His brother, his lover, his mother. Long sobbing discussions of what to do now, how to go on and why it happened to a promising young man. His mother gave me some of his scores and notebooks, telling me that his creativity was in those notes. I wanted to see what had been in his head behind all that terrific music and through tears, I started reading the books.

I woke up more tired than when I went to sleep. The strange twists of logic one naturally finds in dreams are apparent with things like the name mismatch and the mysterious death. I think I can explain why this was such a strong dream though.

Lately I've been missing the interaction with other musicians. It's a very different thing to post back-and-forth in forums than it is to wander by someones studio and ask to hear what they've been up to. I miss the variety of people I used to call friends. The majority of people I spend time with are middle-class, white, and musically uneducated. Those friends I held onto from my schooling days seem bored of music and it's a chore for them now. I have had close friendships with musicians, but as they pursue more adventurous goals, my contact with them diminishes.

I left academia with the strong opinion that more time in school would ruin me. That it would begin to retard my growth and that it would be a flimsy shield against real life. Now, late at night, I miss the community it created.